So despite my last commentary being about how the ladies are advertising for that prospective mate online, I decided it’d probably be more fun to go after some of these ads by the men. I admit it. When it comes to selling ourselves, we’re really not good at it at all. Honestly, we’re men. We can ruin a sure deal even after one of you women tell us “Just shut up for the rest of the night, and I’ll go home with you”. It’s not a lack of interest or that we’re that spiteful. We’re really just dumb at least 75% of the time. 🙂 With that said, let’s get onto the entertainment du jour.

Yes, yes we are from time to time.

Spelling….

Seriously, it’s important. It’s wonderful that you believe yourself to be Thugnificient, but unless you’re intending on attracting a woman who doesn’t really care about actually, oh, using English or actually being able to communicate how she feels, your lack of effort isn’t going to win any hearts. I don’t even have to give examples of this. If you’re looking for a woman to get to know, remind yourself that WOMAN is singular. Women, is plural. Don’t be a moron and say “I’m looking for a women to wine and dine”. Either you’re a polygamist, or you’re just dumb. Yes, they DO notice this slip up. Unless you’re some super hot looking guy, and well. They’re not chasing after you for your amazing intelligence buddy boy, you’ll get away with it for a while before they finally get tired of those text messages that say Your on my mind today baby.

I’d also like to combine PUNCTUATION into spelling. If you type in one long run on sentence, it can only be assumed you talk like that. Not sexy. Kind of annoying really. I know a few people like that, and I sometimes think about shooting them in the face. I can only imagine how a woman would feel. Oh, hi. You’d like to get into my pants for the next few years on a regular basis? That’s awesome, but do you plan on talking nonstop for the duration, because I really don’t think I’m going to be able to get an orgasm if you can’t shut up.

Attitude…

There’s a serious. Serious. SERIOUS error in judgement us dudes make, where we mistake the concepts of “confidence” with being a douchebag. It’s really true. Women dig a guy with a confident swagger. They don’t really want to be with a man who doubts himself or has the authoritative qualities of a dead fish. At the same time, however, that doesn’t say it’s okay for you to be an obnoxious idiot and act like they should be grateful they’ve been given the time of day. That includes providing a critical critique of “other dudes that have been in their life” or trying to be snarky and cut them down because you’re not meeting their standards. That INCLUDES the ad you write. This example I give, completely encapsulates this angle. Granted, some women with low self esteem and have trouble standing up for themselves would probably throw themselves at a guy with this kind of bad attitude; but a woman with some self respect may try to run you down 5 minutes after meeting you. (Also, it makes you look like you’re repulsive, since why else would someone turn away such a prize catch? *scoffs*)

“Do you have any idea how many real, good guys have been turned away because they are never given a chance? Most of you are saying you want someone to treat you right, care for you, love you, all the good stuff…but when someone comes along that would probably do all that, you turn him down because hes “not your type”…most women dream of winding up with brad pitt or denzel or some super hott model dude like that…thats all well and good…but does looking like that mean hes going to “treat you right, care for you, etc”? No it doesnt. Mix it up, give the average everyday guy a chance, you might be amazed. Hell, if you are lucky you might find that perfect sensitive gorgeous guy that has it all…but odds are against it. Having a “dream guy” that is nothing but a face to look at is just like having a ferrari without an engine, its great to look at, but what the hell can it do? Girls don’t want to settle for anything less than perfect….guys are the same way….vanity is screwing up the world! Open your eyes, interact with ANYONE and EVERYONE that puts the effort out to approach and talk to you without bias, and you could be in for the time of your life. You truely have nothing to lose. If you have an open mind, and are really willing to take a chance and get to know the person, then please send me a message.”

Dude, if I were a woman, I would start a campaign to tell every woman I can get in touch with to avoid you. If we were to make you the ruler of an empire, you’d be hailed as Emperor Douche, of the land of Bag.

Pictures?

Pictures are always good. The ladies kind of enjoy getting to see what the wrapping around your brain pan looks like. Granted, they are a bit visual, so it helps a majority of the ladies. Do you really think that picture of you in the bathroom flexing with no shirt on is going to have them flood your inbox? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure some women are into guys with bird chests. Twee twee son, and chirp loud. Just save that for the second or third email where you’ve asked her to send you nudes apparently. Remember, give them something to imagine. Nothing says mystery and possible excitement like CLOTHES. Now, even though I’ve said it’s okay to keep your clothes on in your pictures, that doesn’t mean wear that button down short sleeve shirt that has some scene from Dragonball Z in all it’s technicolor glory. Find your balance between whimsical and adult; just don’t dive straight into “Yo, I’m down with Pokemon girl, you wanna be my Wartortle?” … I’m pretty sure unless you’re hitting on 15 year old girls, that may not work out too well. Lastly, refrain from posting pictures of animals, flowers, something “classy” that’s not you, or yourself making a dumbass face (refer to Red above on this one, dumbass). I know you’re dying for examples, dear reader. In fact, mouse over the picture for the “What’s wrong here” assessment.