Oh society, sometimes I wonder where your true desires lay.

From an OkCupid profile:

“You… Intelligent. Must have a job and be independent (aka please don’t live with your parents). Kids are okay, even preferred but not necessary. Liberal-minded. Not crazy religious. Practices good hygiene. Doesn’t wear pants below butt. Manly but with a sense of romance. Chivalrous: you’re a man, you take me out, you treat me like a lady.”

Damn. Lost me right after “must have a job”. I know, there’s some basic social instruction where we’re programmed that folks living with parents are an automatic flag that they’re lazy people who can’t take care of themselves and depend on their parents to survive. In the world of failing economies, record unemployment, and the basic fact that the cost of things continually increase while employee pay fails to keep up even in a remotely adequate way, it almost seems ridiculous to use that as a measuring stick anymore. The elderly in America are even more screwed in this, as that all the money they put into the Social Security system to “help when they’re older” just doesn’t cut it anymore (can you imagine working for 60 years of your life to get 1200 a month in “benefits” while Congress refuses Cost of Living Adjustments, while constantly increasing their pay for the same reasons?). 

Not everyone is “living with their parent/s” because they’re lazy. Some are doing it because they have kids and it’s the only way they can survive with a flailing job market and economy. Some are doing it because they’ve lost jobs or their homes and have no where else to turn. Then there’s another block, who are doing it because their parents are elderly and need the extra hand. It’s always been an “old timey” saying that you can tell the quality of the person by how they treat their parents, yet in modern “dating” we’ve seemed to make an effort to punish folks who show that family is important to them. 

Personally, I’m back home with my Dad because after being here helping my Dad take care of my mom in the final months of terminal cancer, I realized how much he needed me to be here. Even if it’s just to sit around to watch TV with him sometimes, or help with the bills since his various retirement money sources doesn’t cover the bills (even after having to declare bankruptcy at the age of 70). While it hurts sometimes and feels pretty insulting that someone would deem me as not worth their time because I opted to be here to take care of my mom towards the end of her life, and to be here to help take care of my dad in his later years, I can only say this to those who use it as a measuring stick: *YOU* are missing out on someone who would be right beside you “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do we part.” All because you mistake a notion of materialism as a sign that someone’s got possibility as a “quality” mate.

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The “Real” woman of CL who doesn’t BS. (No really, it’s gotta be a fairy tale.)

Dear lady who wrote the following ad on CL;

Real men randomly do read Craigslist. However, as that we’re familiar with the fact that women posting on it generally do “bs” as you so eloquently put it; we’re opting to ignore your idiotic goading. Remember, the “real man” you claim you want is going to smell the fact that you may be a bit of a bully from miles away. 😉

Also, demanding a picture or you’re going to delete their email and not answer: also BS.

Amusingly not yours…

PS. Never claim to be intelligent when you aren’t exhibiting some spot on use of English. “For real” is not one word, “open- minded” seems to be a little gappy there, and really. Intelligent people *ALWAYS* know that the folks who cry about “no drama” are usually so full of drama it’s overflowing into the surrounding counties. xoxo.

Tradition is dead, are there ‘real’ men who don’t bs on CL – 26 (Norfolk)

“Some of the guys on here are bullshit forreal and like to play games way too much!! To be real honest attraction is a must!! I don’t play games, let me repeat, ‘don’t play games’ and I don’t do drama. I am currently seperated and have a child so if you don’t like kids click back. I just want someone to hang out with, go out with on occasion and see where else it may lead to. I am attractive, intelligent and like to have fun. I’m very open- minded and like to try new things. YOUR PIC GETS MINE, NO PIC NO RESPONSE…”

Sloppy drunk and dance in the streets you say? Sign me up!

I totally thing I’ve found the best idea for a first date, upon reading profiles on a dating site:

Let’s keep it fun::Meet for a drink, get sloppy drunk and dance in the middle of a street somewhere and collect tips from strangers…lol…ok i probably wouldn’t do that but it sounds fun right?? haha..

Actually ; this lady presents a brilliant and fun first date. I mean, honestly, if you’re drunk dancing in the streets with a person that this is your first time going out with them, you’re probably going to actually want to see them again because of the ridiculous amount of fun you had.

Someone line up women who think that’s a brilliant idea for me. I think I just found my ultimate criteria.Image

Squirrels don’t hire escorts. At least I don’t think they do.

It never ceases to amaze me, when I read an ad where someone talks about how they want to meet a guy who treats them nice, will take them out on a proper date, and blah blah blah. Honestly ladies, you already know these dudes. When you meet them, you think they’re nice guys and they’re really sweet, but you end up blowing them off (or fail to even take them seriously) for some douchebag that barely remembers your name after hearing 30 people say “HI (insert your name here)!”. Yes, it’s super amazing that he remembers the name of that blonde bimbo at the bar with her rack hanging out who slurred her name out drunkenly. Utterly stupendous.

The other side of this, is that it almost sounds like you’re saying “Spend money on me, peck me on the cheek, and get the hell out of dodge.” As Kayne would tell you; that means you’re a gold digger.  No really, it’s true. You’re not setting boundaries (like “Let’s go out and play it by ear.”, so we at least have the impression that there may be something more than a cold and sad peck on the cheek), you’re just outright “Take me out, buy me stuff, then take me home.” Not even the sit in the car and talk looking out at something pleasant, or walking, or something like that.

“I wonder if there is a man out there can take me on a date Without sex being brought up just take me out and show me a good time take me out show me a good time then bring me back home kiss me on my check and say good night Or is all men honestly worry about when they are going to get the next slice of booty I’m shy at first but warm up quickly so if you like to talk put in the title I Take you on a date Photo for a photo God bless”

Clearly, there’s signs here.

 1. Clearly, I don’t believe I’d have a preference for just a “slice of booty”. Quite frankly,  it’s the whole booty or nothing. Unless you have a cake shaped like your booty, and for some reason want to bring that on a date with you. Then, we’ll have to talk about the type of cake and frosting before I even contemplate the quantity of booty I’d like to have.

2. “Kiss me on the check” …. Seriously? I have to pay for the entire date, PLUS write you a check and kiss it? There’s some serious social issues going on here. Where I come from, this kind of behavior is often referred to as being an “escort”. And let’s admit it, you’re really not the escort caliber here ma’am.

3.  “Without sex being brought up and show me a good time” .. So at no point at all is any innuendo at all permissable, else it won’t be considered a “good time”. Come on, even the real high end escorts allow a little verbal innuendo that borders on the end of cerebreal foreplay. Man, I knew I shouldn’t be looking at Craigslist for an escort. Wait.

I should really go back to watching the squirrels have their romance outside my office window. Clearly they have a better understanding of dating and relationships.

As seen on Craigslist…

I really wonder what people are thinking when they write ads. Are they trying to be really funny, making an attempt to be interesting, or are they really as… hm… “special” as they seem to be? It scares me really, being a single white male (and single parent) hoping to find someone to grow old with and move the remote control from where they left it last as the Alzheimer’s sets in.

Wanna play Cops and Robbers?”

“I want to date a cop, only thing I wanna steel is his heart. If you’re a cop or have a uniform…send a picture. No pic, no reply.”

This is where I have to stop and ask myself. Would a cop actually want a woman who apparently wants to run a sword through him? That’s what steeling his heart means right?  This whole cop or have a uniform part also.. I’m not a cop, but I have various uniforms. I could probably get my hands on a pizza delivery driver’s uniform too, or was there a specific uniform requirement? Show up as a plumber and offer to unclog your pipes? I mean, since you’re obviously a classy woman after all. Steeling things and whatnot.

Pipe banger  I see you eyeballin’ how big my plunger is.

“Starting to wonder if I should stay single?

“Tired of meeting guys who say they don’t do drama but then I find out different, I am looking for a working, loyal, romantic, drama free MAN, I like sports, some movies, cuddling on the couch or just riding out with no destination enjoying the sites ”

Short answer, yes. Women and men alike know that in general, anyone who says they don’t do drama, usually generate an exorbitant amount of it. Which, I’m gonna draw a parallel to people who insist on telling me that unicorns don’t exist. While they keep telling me that they don’t, you can be sure if they saw a shiny magical unicorn meandering past, they’d sure stop and try to get a look at it. Which, is just like folks who “don’t do drama”. It seems no matter how much you say you’ll have nothing to do with it, when it’s present you’re going to throw yourself at it.

I am both drama and a unicorn! Fear me!

 

With this lovely image to tide you over, I’ll skip commentary on some guy in his 50’s posting looking for “a younger lady, preferably 20-30 years younger”. Really Gramps, knock that off. It’s kinda disgusting, all the hair and wrinkles in weird places. Just stop.

“Attractive Lady” … Say what?

(Ad from CL. I must need glasses or something. Not to be a catty bitch, but seriously?)

I am a attractive 46 year old Lady that is seeking fwb
No head games/no liars!
Looking for-
White man for fwb/nothing serious/must be 50-60 yrs.old/divorced/single or widowed
NO MARRIED MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serious replies only please
I’m no barbie/lots to love and appreciate!