As seen on Craigslist…

I really wonder what people are thinking when they write ads. Are they trying to be really funny, making an attempt to be interesting, or are they really as… hm… “special” as they seem to be? It scares me really, being a single white male (and single parent) hoping to find someone to grow old with and move the remote control from where they left it last as the Alzheimer’s sets in.

Wanna play Cops and Robbers?”

“I want to date a cop, only thing I wanna steel is his heart. If you’re a cop or have a uniform…send a picture. No pic, no reply.”

This is where I have to stop and ask myself. Would a cop actually want a woman who apparently wants to run a sword through him? That’s what steeling his heart means right?  This whole cop or have a uniform part also.. I’m not a cop, but I have various uniforms. I could probably get my hands on a pizza delivery driver’s uniform too, or was there a specific uniform requirement? Show up as a plumber and offer to unclog your pipes? I mean, since you’re obviously a classy woman after all. Steeling things and whatnot.

Pipe banger  I see you eyeballin’ how big my plunger is.

“Starting to wonder if I should stay single?

“Tired of meeting guys who say they don’t do drama but then I find out different, I am looking for a working, loyal, romantic, drama free MAN, I like sports, some movies, cuddling on the couch or just riding out with no destination enjoying the sites ”

Short answer, yes. Women and men alike know that in general, anyone who says they don’t do drama, usually generate an exorbitant amount of it. Which, I’m gonna draw a parallel to people who insist on telling me that unicorns don’t exist. While they keep telling me that they don’t, you can be sure if they saw a shiny magical unicorn meandering past, they’d sure stop and try to get a look at it. Which, is just like folks who “don’t do drama”. It seems no matter how much you say you’ll have nothing to do with it, when it’s present you’re going to throw yourself at it.

I am both drama and a unicorn! Fear me!

 

With this lovely image to tide you over, I’ll skip commentary on some guy in his 50’s posting looking for “a younger lady, preferably 20-30 years younger”. Really Gramps, knock that off. It’s kinda disgusting, all the hair and wrinkles in weird places. Just stop.

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